"Utopia" by Sir Thomas More: Man has always dreamed of an idyllic society. Such peaceful realms of tranquility have been known by many names. Xanadu. Shangri-La. Anyplace but Detroit.

While Plato got the ball rolling with "The Republic," Sir Thomas More brought the wishful longing to new heights with "Utopia," a satirical work of social reform published in 1516.

More, an author, lawyer, and statesman, used the novel to comment on controversial aspects of European society. The book opens with More attempting to settle a territorial dispute on behalf of King Henry VIII. When negotiations stall, requiring a wait for further instructions, More spends his free time chatting with real life friend and intellectual Peter Giles, who introduces him to Raphael Hythloday, a fictional philosopher and world traveler who spanned the globe with noted explorer Amerigo Vespucci. Mixing famous, well-known personalities into the story gives the fantastic tale a sense of realism. Plus, it's just fun to say Amerigo Vespucci.

Hythloday has seen numerous distant lands and societal structures, and he finds many of them superior to the ones common to the English world. More is soon enthralled with Hythloday's unique views on society, hanging on every word as the raconteur dispenses his own brand of logic regarding such topics as crime and capital punishment.

Back then, thieves were condemned to death, yet it hardly severed as a deterrent. Hythloday says society shouldn't kill thieves, but remove the causes that create thieves, such as poverty, hunger, and poor wealth distribution. He further argues treating thieves the same as murderers is absurd since having the same punishment for both merely inspires thieves to become murderers, taking their victims' lives simply to remove all witnesses. It's hard to believe this needed to be pointed out to anyone. We've come a long way, baby.

Hythloday also shares a story of a dinner where Cardinal Morton, once again a real person, engages in a discussion about vagabonds and beggars. A fool at the table says the problem can be easily solved by simply making all male beggars "lay brothers" of the Benedictine monasteries and all female beggars nuns. Since friars and monks are constantly asking for money, the beggars would fit right in. The Cardinal enjoys the joke, causing many to take the fool seriously. A friar in attendance isn't amused, bringing the whole scene to an ugly end. No one cared what the fool thought until the Cardinal, a man of power, gave merit to his opinion, and then they all took him seriously. Hythloday shares the story to illustrate how the masses will always support their leaders, no matter how preposterous their views may be. How else could you possibly explain the success of "According to Jim"?

But Hythloday really finds his stride when talking about Utopia, a remote island paradise virtually free of poverty, greed, and violence. In Utopia, the citizens all work for the betterment of the society, dutifully placing public concerns over private. There's no such thing as private property. The people work and live together in harmony, all striving for the common good.

The island is completely self-sufficient, producing everything it needs on its secluded shores. There's no need for money. Nothing ever needs to be purchased. Gold is seen as a child's trinket. The precious metal is so devalued, it even serves to shackle the hands and feet of the land's few criminals.

Yet the island is wealthy beyond belief. The society is so diligent and hard working, its vast surpluses of food and other goods are exported for tremendous profit. These funds are needed to ensure Utopia's safety. In case of war, the peace-loving Utopians hire foreign mercenaries to fight their battles.

Utopians so abhor violence, they leave the slaughtering of animals to slaves. Yes, slavery does exist in Utopia, but it's based on moral behavior, not race. Slaves are either criminals, people from foreign countries who are captured during warfare, or criminals sentenced to death in other countries but rescued by the Utopians. Children are not born into slavery.

Health care in Utopia is universal for all, although once people become too old to fulfill their duties, they're asked to choose death over being a burden to society, putting their faith in God and the afterlife. My family's been asking me to do that for years.

Religion plays a large role in Utopian society. But many gods are worshiped, with none receiving preferential treatment over another. The same priests and the same churches hold services for all gods at the same time. Faith in God is encouraged because atheism could lead to immoral behavior, which in turn would weaken society, thus marking the major split with Karl Marx's communist movement.

The few laws in Utopia are written clearly and easily understood. There are no lawyers. These people are geniuses, I tell ya! Geniuses! Politicians are forbidden from running for office. All the leaders are kind, fatherly men whom the other citizens naturally respect, thus marking the major split with American democracy.

Women aren't allowed to marry until they turn 18. Men can't marry until 22. And premarital sex is outlawed in fear such activity would prevent people from marrying. Okay, well, I'm starting to reconsider the whole genius thing. If you're caught having sex before marriage, you're forbidden from ever marrying, which amounts to lifelong celibacy. So, in that sense, it's very similar to marriage.

Divorces are only allowed in cases of adultery or abuse. Adulterers are committed to slavery. But since the lack of premarital sex could cause matrimonial strife down the road, all prospective brides and grooms are allowed to see each other naked before exchanging vows. Coincidentally, the average Utopian male goes through about 100 marriage proposals before finally being forced to take a wife. Hey, cheap thrills are cheap thrills.

"Utopia" checks in at about 110 pages, packing a lot of political punch for such a slim volume. More does a swell job of stating his theories in a clear, concise manner, pointing out the flaws in European society without ever coming across as preachy or a know-it-all. That's a tribute to the book's brilliant construction. Having More merely reporting Hythloday's ideas adds a level of separation, allowing the reader to listen along without worrying too much about the author or his motives.

And More tells the tale with a wink and a nod, using humor to diffuse the controversial subject matter. He even delves into verbal word play, with the name Utopia coming from the Greek meaning "no place" and "good place." The only good place is no place. Hythloday's name means "nonsense talker." Clearly, More didn't take himself too seriously.

But he did take his religion seriously. King Henry VIII, the very man he served in the pages of "Utopia," had More beheaded for his convictions. More, then Lord Chancellor of England, refused to bend his religious beliefs in support of Henry's unlawful annulment from Catherine of Aragon and his subsequent marriage to Anne Boleyn. He also railed against Henry's attacks on the Pope and Catholic Church. His defiance eventually cost him his life, although he went gladly, even cracking jokes with his neck on the chopping block. His devotion didn't go unnoticed. In 1935, some 400 years after his death, More was canonized, becoming the patron saint of statesmen, politicians, and lawyers.

Area liquor stores have already canonized me the patron saint of swill. So I got that goin' for me.

Anyway, "Utopia" isn't exactly a page-turner, but it's a fascinating, intelligent work essential to any philosophical discussion regarding society and politics.

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